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Dirt Cheap

The Adventures of Hashford & Fillmore, and Other Stories

Bloodlust in Ratland | Sandy's Story | Afterglow of the UFO | The Bride's Night Out | The Wayward Plaything | The Final Chapters | Dirt Cheap Notes | Postcards from Chaos | The Negress Always Called Him Natty Bumppo When He Laughed

Hashford & Fillmore: Wanna bet?

Afterglow of the UFO
Seascape of Terror
  One
Every night since they had come here, Leoda would walk upon the beach.
  Two
At dinner, the absence of wife and mother had been an oppressive presence who sat, unspeaking, between father and daughter. Leoda could hardly wait to be excused and to walk again upon the beach.
  Three
...she is running she knows not what from or what to but she is running --
  Four
And then she is Leoda again.
Bloodlust in Ratland
Sonata of Danger
  Chapter 1
Goodbye Conrad, Hello Darkness
  Chapter 2
Champagne for Breakfast
  Chapter 3
Rags and Tatters
  Chapter 4
Cocktails for Two
  Chapter 5
House Arrest of the Idiot Savant
  Chapter 6
Dead Girls Don't Talk
  Chapter 7
Rats!
  Chapter 8
Masque of the Mad Poet
  Chapter 9
For Fun and Profit
  Chapter 10
Seduction Flows Like Honey
  Chapter 11
Drunk Dwarfs Can't Walk
  Chapter 12
The Secretary of Treason
  Chapter 13
The Director's Dream
The Bride's Night Out
A Conrad Hawley Adventure
  One
Shunned and forsaken by all, knowing himself now and forever as the fool and coward he had always been, Conrad Hawley ran out into the lonely depths of a dark and stormy night, seeking to end his miserable life at the merciful hands of a violent sea.
  Two
Carried as upon a boundless sea, Conrad Hawley floats easily through the deep dark mist stretching out forever around him.
  Three
The girl is still on the bed above him, looking down.
Dirt Cheap Notes
  Dirt Cheap Notes - 1975
  Dirt Cheap Notes - 1976
  Dirt Cheap Notes - 1981
  Dirt Cheap Notes - Miscellaneous
The Final Chapters
The End of Everyone
  The End of Baxter and Sandy
Running through a maze of fallen rubble, the robbers saw a doorway leading out of the main hallway was not far away. Baxter looked anxiously ahead, then was suddenly caught from behind by a hand.
  The End of The Robbers
The final battle was over and the robbers sat together in a weary huddle, looking at each other in silent dismay.
  The End of Salome, Tornado Girl and the Element Kings
They passed Salome, sitting on a small pile of rubble. A few of them stopped, tried to urge her to come with them. She squirmed at their touch, and pulled the Fire King's ragged cloak around her, and would not leave her place.
  The End of Wildwood
They passed Wildwood. He sat, holding a partly molten automatic rifle, an expression of almost beatific purpose on his blood-stained face.
The Negress Always Called Him Natty Bumppo When He Laughed
An Antique Excursion in Juvenalia
  One
I wanted to divorce myself from reality but I couldn't find a lawyer to handle the case.
  Two
Time and again I tried digging an escape route
  Three
The spoon had rusted.
  Four
All right your emotional vampires!
  Five
Mechanical perfection.
  Six
It's a good thing I move fast when I'm dead
The Wayward Plaything
Train Trip Through Time
  One
It had been almost four weeks since she'd been allowed into her own bedroom.
  Two
All during the walk from the beach-house to the main-house, Leoda was overwhelmed by the world around her.
  Three
....Leoda pulled her eyes from the window, realizing that she'd been lulled into reverie by the passing scenery.
  Four
....As she slowly began to regain consciousness - Leoda opened her eyes to find that Fillmore was shaking her violently.
  Five
....Leoda was now sitting somewhere, drenched in sweat and possibly urine.
Postcards from Chaos
A Book of Bedtime Stories
  Rant 1
An Introduction to a Mad Poet
  Rant 2
Let's Open Our Souls
  Rant 3
Babelaztec Byzantbuoyant Bubblybelly Blee Blop Boop Bee Bang !
  Rant 4
Oh dear! That could warp a person for life!
  Rant 5
Pull up a flame
  Rant 6
As it seems it must always be...
  Rant 7
Michael Row The Boat Ashore
  Rant 8
The Quiver of Life
  Rant 9
Salvation is a Circle
Sandy's Story
Bloodlust in Ratland's Long Lost Book Three - Now in Print for the First Time in Twenty Years
  Chapter One
Baxter was already in bed, reading a paperback novel, when Sandy entered the room. He set the book on the table beside him and watched her intently as she crossed the room to the closet and began to undress.
  Chapter Two
Sandy watched Baxter drive and thought about what a big mistake he'd made getting tied up with these robbers.
  Chapter Three
The Fool-proof Plan
  Chapter Four
No one inside the chopper spoke as it sailed out of range of the intercepting jets and dodged tiny air-to-air missiles -- it would only have been an exchange of accusations and recriminations.
  Chapter Five
Tell us again what happened
  Chapter Six
Freedman made it into an abandoned store just before a motorcycle patrol roared into town.
  Chapter Seven
Thank you, Sandy, Andrea thought bitterly as she laid sheets and blankets out on her sofa, you've really screwed things up for everybody, in your own sweet way.

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Second Thoughts - David Handy - 1/17/06