...here in this silent darkness called home, this Satanic prison, this purgatory of confusion where demons conspire to make us call this darkness light, this silence sound, where fear can but stalk us day and night, giving no rest -- Oh, how can mere words, in whatever number and whatever order, ever describe but a fraction of the horror, but a glimpse of the pain?
Yes, once the world was young and gay for this one, once there was a world of opportunities, all the wonders of a paradise at one's beck and call, yet without the foolish wisdom, the passion to take the big apple and have a bite, a big bite, once there was great confusion -- a wanting not knowing how to getting, an idea that it was all there for the taking, is still there, will always be there....
Oh Lord, how I have sinned! Oh, how many times you have tried to show me the way, presented me with the situations and opportunities, only for me to doubt myself once more, retreating into the dodge of deliberate confusion, retreating, drawing in, always, it seemed, making the wrong choices, only to live a life of regrets, not fully engaged in the doing what one can on one's own, held back by society's conventions of "right" and "wrong," forever questioning and asking what's right from all I meet on the road, never hearing the right way but from the few who gave me Your word and what I might gain from Your book, knowing the right, but acting like one powerless to enact it, Lord, Lord, I have sinned so many times in so many ways and I called upon you to show me the way and praise be, You showed it....
No, no more, not this way, Lord, not this way.... I write and will continue writing for this is Good Friday, the day your son Jesus Christ who was was god in the flesh died for my sins that your grace might come upon me and he rose again alive eternal the third day -- "Ye tho' I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me...."
"With the Father, the Son, the Holy Ghost and you-hoo-hoo,
who knows what miracles the Five of Us could do-hoo-hoo...."